A Confession: I have not done enough and I am sorry

Nikkie Jay
7 min readJun 17, 2020


Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

I’ve struggled to find the words to express myself with this one. Unusual for a writer, I know. But, words just don’t seem to be enough.

I am not black, I can never truly understand how a black person feels. But I can empathise and I can educate myself. I can stand next to my fellow human beings and say, ‘I’m with you. I support you. I am against the injustices that you face and I am 100% anti-racist.’

Racism is something that I have never understood, not since I was a small child. Now let me put some things in context for you here so you can quit blaming your upbringing for your ignorance and do something about it.

I grew up in a small village, it was ALL white. Except later on when the American airforce started using our village hall for their church, I’ll get to that in a minute.

Now I remember as clear as day the first time I ever encountered a black person. Yes, it was that significant. I went swimming with my mother, I must have only been 3 or 4 years old maximum. I still had armbands on. I learned to swim at a pretty young age… so this is the giveaway. As I was paddling my way towards the edge of the pool the most incredibly beautiful, and very tall lady walked in. She had on a bright yellow swimsuit and she was black…